i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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