just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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