I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.