I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child