the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.