2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
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Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD