I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
