What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
