I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
