It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
