I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You made out with two different species that night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
