dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
