wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
