oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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