Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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