Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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