I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
