big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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