a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
