So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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