me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I want a musical about memes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
