I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
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We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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