Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
