Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
