He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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