u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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