two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
