All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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