Sponge bath it is.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
