Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
