Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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