finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
