So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
