Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
