Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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