We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Randomize
