You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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