Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize