apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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