I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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