I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
