i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I will pee on everything he values.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
True college students do jello shots in the library
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