my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
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LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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