i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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