Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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