we have pet lesbian snakes
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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