My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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