I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
