I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
