someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
being pregnant is like rehab
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
