i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
