We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
whose ass print is on the piano?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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