So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
