There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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