forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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