So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
