you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
