i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?