I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
from now on my penis is your penis
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.