whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
