i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...