Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize